Boundaries

Essays

Jul 18

People have been violating my boundaries. I typed that yesterday, and before I was done typing, I knew that it wasn’t true. I have been allowing people to step over the line. It’s me. They can only do what I allow them to do. I need to sit down when I get a free second this busy upcoming weekend and make my boundaries clear to myself, so they're clear to others.

We should all be surrounded by people who respect how we manage our lives. Unfortunately, when you are involved in a client-facing business, many clients or prospective clients think you work for them, and because of that, you are to do what they ask. This is where our paths diverge. We don’t have to do anything. If we choose not to do certain things, there may be financial ramifications if it’s in a client setting. You can’t have it both ways.

But when you are a veteran in a field, less is more is even more appropriate. And no matter how many times I have confirmed this in my life, I still forget it from time to time. I like to win. I like to help people win. But not every person is worth the time I put in. Some are appreciative. Some are less so. It’s on me to make the decision, and that decision can be revisited every outing.

Every time I get to this spot, I wonder how I let myself get here again. Frustrated. Angry. Tired. Wholeheartedly annoyed. I slowly allowed my personal restrictions to cave. I did it. People take what you allow them to. Time, money, space, energy. A former colleague called me a few years ago and asked me if I could loan her $8,000. I did it. I did. I made the choice. Whether she pays the money back or not, it was me who made the decision to say yes. I haven’t seen a penny.

I played a lot of sports growing up. Basketball, tennis, baseball, football, soccer. What’s the one thing that they all have in common? Boundaries. Courts, fields, or pitches, with lines that mark in or out of bounds. It’s lovely. Why can’t I keep my life set up like that? The answer is, I can. I will. I will create a framework for my work and stick to it. I have earned that right.

When I think of it from the other way, I love working with people who have strong boundaries. I know exactly what to expect. Either when I am able to reach them, what the job parameters are, or what they are willing to do. It makes life and work pretty simple, and I am in search of simpler times. Not like Yesteryear, but simpler.