How To How To How To
How to be the best person
in 18 easy steps
How to live your best life
How to meet your soulmate
How to save your life
if it needs saving
How to get in shape
if you just follow
these 31 untested
steps for virtual superiority
in this blog
on this platform
on the Internet
How To How To How To
It’s all we read
It’s all we write
Catchy catchphrases catching
our attention
with a score of 93
in a headline analyzer
How to write the best
H e a d l i n e s
How to connect
no, how to seduce
How to get them to click
How to overpromise
and underdeliver
Welcome to
The Blog Life
How to feel happy
but this doesn’t apply
to you, if you are
like, really depressed
or if someone dies
or if a lot of things
But just take deep breaths
and walk in nature
and be still
I know you’ve never heard
this advice before
So listen to me
An expert on being happy
even though I am still
getting over another breakup
and am pretty much
always sad
But this gets clicks
and I am smart
Please like me
How to make money
By writing an article
on a platform
about how to make money
writing on that platform
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
How To How To How To
How to do anything
but like, better
and different
Because no one has ever
written about being calm
How to promote yourself
How to sell yourself
How to look better online
How to have impostor syndrome
24/7/365
How to do better at life
by using an infrared sauna
and lemon water
Always lemon water
How to get readers
to click on this
Pay-per-click economy
Loss of autonomy
How to be authentic
as if that could be taught
How to build a following
A following that wants
you to follow them
as much as they
care about what you write
or more
Metric fever
True believer
in this is
How To Get Famous Online
with shortcuts
and clickbait
Time to automate
to save time
to follow more people
How to How to How to
How to get out of this
vicious cycle of mass consumption
and hopes and dreams
of Internet success
and accolades
but not Pulitzers
Badges from a website
for completing a task
or finishing a streak
Virtual gladhanding
The world is disbanding
under a deluge
of How To Do Everything
Maybe we should stop
telling everyone How To
and start showing them
Wait, that’s a good story
Bookmark that for later
How To Show People
How To Do Things
(Instead of Telling Them)
Badge me
This poem was originally published in Resistance Poetry on Medium on October 4, 2019. It has not been edited in any way since the day it was published online. © Jonathan Greene
